Pennies for thought.

If I had to die for something prematurely, I would die for an idea that would affect a future person's lively-hood. I wouldn't want my death to be in vain. At the moment, I cannot think of a situation that satisfies these standards. The point of life in our current time seems to be to just float along, at least to anyone that sees what matters. I'm afraid of the idea of "progress" in years past, that is something not worth dying for.

Project reflection

We sucked. But not too much. So I'm not upset really. I just wish that a few more people would have taken the project a little more seriously. Like me, I could have done more.

Rumorsez

I'll admit, I eavesdrop, but I don't spread or start rumors. When a rumor would float on by, I'd just listen and lol to myself. Until I heard a rumor about myself. A close friend of mine had been going through a rough trip with her boyfriend, so I was talking her though it. Someone saw us talking seemingly in 'like' and mouthed like the wind. When It came back to me, I was a little skeptical, but to be safe I brought it up with my girlfriend. She just loled to herself.

Trust

I can't remember a time when I've lost the trust of a loved one. I've lost love, but not trust. If I had been in that type of situation before, I probably didn't notice because it went something like this:

Me: Hey where were you?

Them: Oh I was at blankity-blank's by the slip-slop.

Me: Oh yeah, I slept through that call.

Instead I try not to do anything to betray my loved ones' trust in me.

I once envied a man named Carlisle, though it wasn't for his name.

If at some point in my life for a relatively brief moment I had "people skills," they're gone now. I think they've transformed into "me skills" and for whatever I've tried to apply them to I've failed. Or at least I can't seem to apply them in a more practical way that would make everyone happy. They don't even please me.

Hello. Yeah I can't sleep either. Rambling seems to help me and instead of talking to myself I'll talk to blogger because blogger knows I'm not crazy, and that's all that really matters, that my mind is intact long enough to... I don't know yet. I think I am going crazy. I think I think too much. I think I'll talk about this girl but it's not the girl you would expect me to talk about right now because I barely know her, but she does exist, somewhere, not like how she exists in my head though. I crafted my password for this after one of our clever little inside jokes back when I was a dork and she was taken but I didn't know she was taken and I wasn't at the moment so I had a little crush for a while until someone took me and I continued to crush only no one knew but her. I think she knew. I think that's why she forgot me. I think I think too much. I used to think, every time I logged in, that that was a pretty good moment and that I was smart to trap it in a little time jar forever, but I don't care much for it anymore. It makes me think too much. It makes me think of a time when she said something about leaving and I wasn't really paying attention. I was thinking too much. It makes me preoccupied now, that that's my greatest worry, or only the greatest one I'll allow myself to think, consciously of course. In a few hours my mind will wander again and I won't be able to control myself. Sometimes it paralyzes me. I forget why I'm staring at this screen again, talking to myself.

Why doesn't anyone understand?

We are all traveling
Around the world only
The world
Does all
The work.
And when we count to
Three or thirty-three
We aren't where we were
Three or thirty-three
Seconds ago, when we started counting to
Three or thirty-three
And ended up somewhere
Unexpected
Like a spaceship, or an office chair.
We have no control
Of where we're going
We can only measure,
Study,
Examine,
Critique,
Our lives and the lives of others
And it may seem like
We are in control
But when we count to
Three or thirty-three
We end up somewhere
Unexpected.


They all go in circles
The unquestionable participants of
A vacant universe.
Mercury, Venus,
Earth, Mars,
Jupiter, Saturn,
Uranus, and Neptune,
But not Pluto.
Not anymore.
The participants, of
A vacant universe,
They all go in circles,
Like you and I,
Playing ring around the rosy
With fate,
Only the tune doesn't end,
And we aren't sure
How much of the song we've sang
And we aren't sure when
We will all fall.