Her hitler hairdo is making me feel ill.

Once at this sit-down dinner thing I could not stop staring at this girl. She wasn't much to look at, but every time I looked up, there she was. Sometimes she was across the room and sometimes she was the center of my attention though she never looked directly at me. I felt kind of weirdly for staring the entire time and sort of badly for ignoring my party, but at the same time I felt this strange attraction towards her. However, my indecision overcame the attraction and I ended up just staring. Until eventually, I looked up and she wasn't there. Frantically, I spun around toward the exit and I just caught a glimpse of her before she disappeared completely.

Flawlo

This is the incredibly, magnificently short story of Flawlo.

Flawlo was a giant purple thing who's skin had the texture of a rhino's beneath swan's feathers. He had gratuitous, bat-like wings that only propelled him four inches off the floor, presumably to ease the pain of walking on his thumbtacked feet. His mouth was an elephants snout, but he still had trouble breathing through smoker's lungs. His eyes were like that of an eagles who's corneas had been clawed out by large rats. He absorbed the sound around him through miniature, trumpet-like hearing aids that have long before been caked with rust. He carried the physical manifestation of the world's flaws on his abnormally grotesque shoulders for three hundred and sixty-two years.

Cause of death: Unknown.

I may be paranoid, but not an android.

Sometimes, I can feel my own shadow sneaking up on me. It's really annoying because it can take the shape of any object, really. I'll walk past bookshelves and jars will crash just inches behind me. I wake up and see a stuffed lions mouth, dripping with saliva, about to devour me. My shadow's a coward though, that's why it prefers the dark, and it freezes in terror if I catch it red-handed. I mean, if a shadow did have hands...
Nevertheless I'm growing very worried for my family and my own well-being. Just trying to open the door to my own house, the slight clink-clink of the keychain and the heavy clunk of the deadbolt releasing was enough to make me jump a few feet back. Still, I'm afraid arming myself would only get me in more trouble. Just how exactly, would I stab or shoot a shadow anyway? I only have to look it in the eye... that's it! I'll wire surveillance cameras throughout the house and rig a series of traps for the shadow! If I see any mischief, all I'll have to do is press a button and I'll have it captured! Oh, finally my family and I can rest in piece!
It's the next day. Time to check the tapes... what the? How could this have happened?!
"No that can't be true! The shadow must have figured it out! I was only trying to help! I swear!"
"Oh, really? These surveillance tapes tell a different story."

Everybody Knows That You're Insane.

Despite the horrendous weather, today was riddled with sporadic nosebleeds. My bathroom floor looks like a crime scene. It doesn't help that I've been running around all day either. The bathroom at the Hometown Buffet I went to looks like a crime scene also, but I doubt they noticed at all.
I was glad that I could run to Streetlight Records with a twenty-five dollar gift card though. I found some Radiohead, some Queens of the Stone Age, some Cure, and some Tool. Afterward when it was time to pay, I was just like, "GIFTCARD BIATCHHH!!" I paid the man four dollars and bled all over him.
However, I didn't forget to grab some free posters. One is of some weird German band (I'm guessing they're German but I'm really bad at guessing) with this crude drawing of humans devolving and walking into the mouth of a monster. The last phase of de-evolution is apparently a bird singing. At the bottom, it reads: "PLAYING LIVE IN: (blank)." I guess I'm supposed to fill in the blank with something but I'd rather not. I'm not afraid to sleep next to it either.
The other poster I got is all black with the words "ANTI-SALE," and some other writing, written all in white with lines stitched across the letters and colourful drops of paint splattered about. Despite it's message, it actually looks like an advertisement, but it doesn't bother me.
Between the two posters I put those papers that warn you if a CD is marked and may not play (that's how I got them so cheap) and under those, a coupon that gives me two dollars off of any non-sale item worth ten dollars or more. Yay.
So I have four great CD's, I ate like a pig and no one cared, I slept till about noon each day, and slept on the couch at least once. I'd say this weekend went pretty well for me.

*closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly*

All around me all I see
Are people I wish I were.
I wish I were her
I wish I were he.
I'll never have that life
I've wanted all my life
And that's how it's going to be.
Until now.
Now I don't care.
Rob me, strip me bare,
Of everything,
Nothing,
No one,
Nowhere.
And in a way I'll be
More free
Than I ever was.

Just a little something from a point in my life when I was frustrated at something, I don't remember what or who or where. Anyway, I'm obviously displeased with whatever it was I was trying to convey with this.
Enjoy!

Vampires don't die in their sleep.

I often have apocalyptic dreams. I would say, about once a week. They don't bother me, though maybe they should. I'd like not to worry about it. What can I do to prevent the earth from imploding?
Anyway, in the dreams, I'm always running somehow: in a car, on a bike, on foot. Eventually though, I reach a dead end or I get tired and I have to stop. Then there's some kind of explosion and a big cloud fills the air. Sometimes, I see the missile fly over me before it explodes. Sometimes, there's a really bright light and I go blind for a second, but I always wake up before I can watch the earth crumble. I always die alone.

Daytime Television.

I woke up and flicked on the television box. On it was this beautiful, passionate love scene, they were newlyweds I think. I thought today was going to be a good day so I continued watching.
Then the man cheats on the woman for no reason!
He keeps doing it!
For no reason at all!
Drama, drama, drama, oh wait I'm watching Lifetime.
*snoreeee*

But it was a great opening sequence.