Christmas Trees.

I honestly don't think it's such a huge sin to chop down a tree once a year and decorate it for a child's amusement. It brings so much joy and wonder into the room! Sometimes, I can wake up feeling lousy, but when I reach the foot of my stairs and stare at this wonderful cone of bright pink, blue, and green lights, it sort of slaps me awake. I'm like "Oh yea today's supposed to be a good day!" If I ever stare at a plastic or inflatable tree for that long, it's only because I'm wondering who buys those.
Why didn't people fight the companies that cut down trees to print dirty magazines?

I am Jack's smirking revenge.

Often, I find it interesting to think of people as nameless and faceless: just gray figures bending in unimaginable ways and speaking about nothing absolutely. This is most enjoyable during my P.E. period, when we're all grouped in two's or three's with other gray figures, before we all fall in line for roll call and daily movement. If you think of everyone as void of a personality, almost everything seems mundane, the rest oddly disturbing. Gray figures moving by choice or coercion or sometimes choosing to be forced to move, to be compelled to benefit themselves. We have to do this because we can't do it ourselves and often it isn't that we don't enjoy it, but that we don't enjoy being told what to do. Are we completely incapable of keeping ourselves in good health? Do we have to be told to live?

So today in my 5th period, the class discussed the positive and negative effects of purging the East Side Union High School District's entire sports program, and how that action may indirectly affect Gunderson. Teacher brought up the point that, if they cut out sports, we would see an increase in dropouts and criminal activity ie. vandalism both gang-related and not. When those who participated in after school sports were asked if they would still maintain a basic 2.0 gpa or higher without sports to motivate them, only a few raised their hand in agreement. Student elaborated that he would still try his best to succeed at whatever he does. Teacher responds that not everyone is self-motivated. Many people require some sort of external-motivation.

I questioned not only what I do but why I do it. I suppose some days I feel like just getting through the day, so I do whatever I'm told just so it ends sooner. Other days I feel like really overachieving, but then I become too critical of everything I do so that nothing gets done. This mindset has sort of placed me snuggly between complacient and ambitious: on the brink of average. Nothing draws me in everyday, but then again, no one's really pushing me either. My grades aren't extraordinary, but then again, not much is expected either. "Then what is motivating me," I ask myself. I believe the answer is equal to fish.

I am Jack's unnoticeable indecision.

Chain-eating grapes.

Boy, whenever my parents buy grapes or baby carrots, I usually have to pour a portion into a bowl so that I don't just down the whole bag in one large, sit-down binge. They make me feel much better than when I stuff my face with Dorritos because they're sweet and they don't make you thirsty. So, really, eating healthier compliments laziness just as much as unhealthy food does. I mean, it's a lot easier to prepare an apple than to microwave a burrito. I think it would even take me longer to open a bag of chips than to wash a piece of fruit. Besides that, it leaves you with natural energy. Except, now I've eaten too much and have a little queasy stomach .-.

Ah Muse... so relaxing....

Incredible. They're singing about apocalypse and revolution, yet all my troubles are just being swept away, into the clouds and above, past the exosphere, past the planets, out of the milky way and past other galaxies, past heaven and hell. And I have so much to happy about. Thank you, Muse for allowing me to see that. People I don't know are so welcoming. Or rather, because they don't know me...

Mirror Trick

If you look at yourself in the mirror and close your right eye, the person looking back at you closes his left. But if you take a picture of yourself, you would see that you clearly have your right eye closed. If you take a picture of yourself in the mirror, you would think you had closed your left eye when the photo was taken.
If photos are the only way to see yourself through other people's eyes, who are you really looking at in the mirror? Sure, he looks and acts like you but only to an extent. His hair is combed to the right, not the left. His shirt says yaD neerG and he's probably never even heard of a band that calls themselves "Nirvana."
What is his life like beyond the borders of that reflective glass or even, what if, you could view the entire world through a mirror? What if every day you walked out the front door, but you went right instead of left and you drove on the other side of the road, would it make any difference? Is he as completely bored or confused as you are, reading this? Maybe he's not even on the internet. Really, he could be doing anything. He could be wondering the same thing. He could stand up, walk to the mirror, and check to see if that person was still there. He could try to prove that you appeared in his mirror only because he made you appear, because you are him, only exactly the opposite.


[Editor's Note: I see my idea's already been realized. Twice. Oh well, it's still trippy to think about...]

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise

First period is really boring. I'm afraid that my grade will drop as a result of all the talking I've been doing to help alleviate the boredom. Of course, I do all the work in that class, besides a couple of homework assignments that the teacher decided to write at the end of class while everyone was working fervently on these ten questions we were given seven minutes to do.
Notebooks generally don't receive a grade for organization, only presence. If you turn one in, you'll get full credit (I've seen her, she just marks a check next to your name). So, I like to draw in the empty spaces between notes, examples, warm ups etc. Practicing almost daily in this spare time, I've gotten better at drawing faces and expressions, but I can't resist adding a cartoonish touch because realism belongs in photos.
A few of them are actually quite embarrassing, although anyone who may appear remains nameless and faceless. I wonder if she's ever gotten past the inside cover, where my name is written. She might find a lover, a pessimist, someone who knows too much and cares too little. [For some reason I'm reminded of Nicholas Cage's role in Next because the look on his face did not vary from three different expressions: I'm very bored because I know everything that's going to happen two minutes from now, I'm depressed because I'm such a tired soul/ I've lead a very tortured childhood, or I'm smiling because I think I'm clever for remembering a line I've heard before and being able to relay it back/ I have charm.]<--- the sort of things I think about while she drones on.. I sort of want to ask her if she's ever seen the doodles, if they've interrupted her daily routine in any way. If they so much as made a smirk last on her face for more than half-a-second, it would make me feel much better than what I felt after seeing the red check for notebook "presence."
Maybe after this semester I'll sift through my notebook for pictures I really enjoyed, then cut and paste them to something like a poster I could hang in my room. Sounds like a great way to consume the hours I spend pondering the meaning of dessert-pies, planning how to run an economy consisting entirely of human feces, and questioning the sexuality of various wholesale items.

I am Jack's naive ambition.

Cake > Pie

My parents bought me a banana cream pie for my birthday. What's the point? Pies are just cakes with crust and who likes crust? Communists do... communists eat the crust on their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...

Really, they put candles in it and everything. Every time they buy dessert pies like this I never eat them, so why would they think I suddenly like them?