"C'mon, you know your tired."
"But I can't."
"You know, if you don't go to sleep now, you'll end up staying up past three and waking up at two-thirty, though you won't ever really wake up, you'll spend the other ten hours in a daze and-"
"I just can't. Oh there's so much to do, so much to do.."
"Like what?"
".... I don't know yet."

I was walking and my shadow caught my attention. I liked the way it made my legs look, all trim and healthy, but it left every part of my body that was above the waste horrifically disfigured. I wondered if I twisted myself a certain way and waited long enough for the sun to cast my shadow at a more desirable angle, if I could look completely perfect. Of course, I could just wait for the sun to burn out.

I have a scab on my lip
that I think used to be a zit
but I picked at it too much.
It bothers me enough
to keep picking at it
and if I pick at it enough
it peels away
but the air stings my flesh.
I poke and nudge the exposed skin
until the stinging goes away
or I find a better excuse of my time.

Your daily dose of depression

It's really weird: sometimes I'm swept by these waves of sadness and when I peer deep into the crevices of my limbic cortex all I find is songs on the radio. I search deeper and come up with kittens, then random movies. Soon I'm all spaced out and sort of just absorb all the words and sounds and every stimulus I can find, then I don't feel so blue anymore. I'd just like, just for once, to remember what I was thinking in the first place.

Blog to (hopefully) contain all random thoughts on today, Thursday, the eighteenth of December, year two-thousand and eight

Poor Caylee. They've found a body and they're waiting for the autopsy results. For some reason, I had a feeling that she was gone long ago.
Now, this is a horrible case and I realize that a lot of people feel very passionately about it, but do they have to have an update every day when there's no new information? During the first month or so, I was thinking about Caylee's family and I thought that they could not possibly be liking this. I thought it would be hard, missing someone and literally seeing their face everywhere you turn. And this news is important to her close family, and the people involved in the trial and such, but does anybody else really deserve an opinion? If anyone has one, it's what the media has anyway, so it's obvious to everyone else that you're thinking exactly the same as they are.
Then, what really hits me is that people get all worked up over a missing white child, when this sort of thing has happened before and no one made such a fuss. It's like, until CNN put a face on child abduction, no one really cared. And everyone will gladly voice their redundant opinion, but only a small percentage of those people will act on it.
And if all this is true then you're talking just to hear yourself talk right? Or else you want everyone to know that you dislike child abduction, that it's a terrible, terrible thing? Well if that's all agreed upon then, that it's a terrible thing and that it happens all the time, then shall we move on?

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, turned out to be a great book. The only problem I had with it was that it's so short (roughly 26 pages, one sided), that a few of the characters aren't entirely developed. Though the film adaptation may be longer than the book, I don't feel that will necessarily be a bad thing. The cast certainly looks well enough to meet my expectations; Brad Pitt fills my mental image of Benjamin Button perfectly. Definitely worth your dollar.

And, Christmas is only seven days away! I hope I'll be able to sleep on Christmas' Eve. I haven't been good about that the past few years. Maybe because of all the hot chocolates and cookies and sweets? No, it must be insomnia :P

I got a cool, blue plaid jacket today. It has plaid, thermal pockets.
I also found a white chain lying on the floor near the mall and decided to give it a home. Now, that home was supposed to be on my wall, but alas, laziness prevails. I'll get around to it sometime during the break. Sometime after sleeping in, I shall hang it neatly below my band posters.

Fun Test Thing [ +5 for origonality! ]

Haha I don't care if I get points for this or not.
I tried this the first time and it utterly failed.. like I couldn't answer at least four of the questions haha.
So here's take two. A few of the names are obviously computer-generated...

1. If Evan and Marissa teamed up, what would they most likely accomplish?
O.O I'd rather not think about it... It would probably be something like War of the Worlds only with more giant Robert Trujillos crab-walking people to death.

2. What song could be Ashley's theme song?
"do dee do Transformers. Robots in disguiseee." :P

3. What is or would be a good nickname for Alyssa?
Blue-eyed she devil! I'm watching you...

4. Have you ever been in Kim's house?
Once or twice. We watched House!

5. Who's She-Ra dating?
Lars, Prince of Shlarganovia.

6. Marissa just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?
Ahhh poor Garrett :[ (....how many freak accidents involve vaporization?)

7. Who would be a better superhero sidekick between Eliysha and Marissa, and why?
Eliysha! Because she wouldn't fit anywhere else in the quiz xD

8. What would you do if Alex and a Disney prince were going out?
I dunno, give them a cookie?

9. What is one thing a girl isn't exactly made for?
Urinals? Only thing I could come up with.

10. A Disney prince is actually Kim in disguise, you know.
Ahh Kim and Alex are dating? and my mother's a man?!

And on a more random note...

I've just realised that if you hit the tiny blue preview button on the corner of your posting box and you click on the title section of the post, you can effectively type in real time! Like, as you type, words appear on the preview! I must have typed "I like waffles" ten or twenty times before I remembered that it was supposed to be a serious post...

The Intriguing Tale of Edward Edmonton

The only movie I'm looking forward to seeing this Christmas is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because it seems like it's the only film that wasn't made specifically for Christmas. Then again, my only other options are a remake and two "feel good movies" But I'll save those rants for later.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is about a boy named Benjamin who's born an old man and as he ages, he seems to become younger. It's kind of like that Robin Williams movie from the times of olde, only in reverse and presumably more enjoyable. Benjamin falls in love with a girl named Daisy and the two sort of have to deal with this peculiarity as she ages and he grows young.
I think I'm mostly curious to see what happens when the two become middle-aged. Better yet, what happens to Benjamin when he actually reaches 80 years? Does he die an infant? Well, it's supposed to be based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald so I really won't have to wait for Christmas day to find out. After, I guess I'll decide if it's worth watching.

Christmas Trees.

I honestly don't think it's such a huge sin to chop down a tree once a year and decorate it for a child's amusement. It brings so much joy and wonder into the room! Sometimes, I can wake up feeling lousy, but when I reach the foot of my stairs and stare at this wonderful cone of bright pink, blue, and green lights, it sort of slaps me awake. I'm like "Oh yea today's supposed to be a good day!" If I ever stare at a plastic or inflatable tree for that long, it's only because I'm wondering who buys those.
Why didn't people fight the companies that cut down trees to print dirty magazines?

I am Jack's smirking revenge.

Often, I find it interesting to think of people as nameless and faceless: just gray figures bending in unimaginable ways and speaking about nothing absolutely. This is most enjoyable during my P.E. period, when we're all grouped in two's or three's with other gray figures, before we all fall in line for roll call and daily movement. If you think of everyone as void of a personality, almost everything seems mundane, the rest oddly disturbing. Gray figures moving by choice or coercion or sometimes choosing to be forced to move, to be compelled to benefit themselves. We have to do this because we can't do it ourselves and often it isn't that we don't enjoy it, but that we don't enjoy being told what to do. Are we completely incapable of keeping ourselves in good health? Do we have to be told to live?

So today in my 5th period, the class discussed the positive and negative effects of purging the East Side Union High School District's entire sports program, and how that action may indirectly affect Gunderson. Teacher brought up the point that, if they cut out sports, we would see an increase in dropouts and criminal activity ie. vandalism both gang-related and not. When those who participated in after school sports were asked if they would still maintain a basic 2.0 gpa or higher without sports to motivate them, only a few raised their hand in agreement. Student elaborated that he would still try his best to succeed at whatever he does. Teacher responds that not everyone is self-motivated. Many people require some sort of external-motivation.

I questioned not only what I do but why I do it. I suppose some days I feel like just getting through the day, so I do whatever I'm told just so it ends sooner. Other days I feel like really overachieving, but then I become too critical of everything I do so that nothing gets done. This mindset has sort of placed me snuggly between complacient and ambitious: on the brink of average. Nothing draws me in everyday, but then again, no one's really pushing me either. My grades aren't extraordinary, but then again, not much is expected either. "Then what is motivating me," I ask myself. I believe the answer is equal to fish.

I am Jack's unnoticeable indecision.

Chain-eating grapes.

Boy, whenever my parents buy grapes or baby carrots, I usually have to pour a portion into a bowl so that I don't just down the whole bag in one large, sit-down binge. They make me feel much better than when I stuff my face with Dorritos because they're sweet and they don't make you thirsty. So, really, eating healthier compliments laziness just as much as unhealthy food does. I mean, it's a lot easier to prepare an apple than to microwave a burrito. I think it would even take me longer to open a bag of chips than to wash a piece of fruit. Besides that, it leaves you with natural energy. Except, now I've eaten too much and have a little queasy stomach .-.

Ah Muse... so relaxing....

Incredible. They're singing about apocalypse and revolution, yet all my troubles are just being swept away, into the clouds and above, past the exosphere, past the planets, out of the milky way and past other galaxies, past heaven and hell. And I have so much to happy about. Thank you, Muse for allowing me to see that. People I don't know are so welcoming. Or rather, because they don't know me...

Mirror Trick

If you look at yourself in the mirror and close your right eye, the person looking back at you closes his left. But if you take a picture of yourself, you would see that you clearly have your right eye closed. If you take a picture of yourself in the mirror, you would think you had closed your left eye when the photo was taken.
If photos are the only way to see yourself through other people's eyes, who are you really looking at in the mirror? Sure, he looks and acts like you but only to an extent. His hair is combed to the right, not the left. His shirt says yaD neerG and he's probably never even heard of a band that calls themselves "Nirvana."
What is his life like beyond the borders of that reflective glass or even, what if, you could view the entire world through a mirror? What if every day you walked out the front door, but you went right instead of left and you drove on the other side of the road, would it make any difference? Is he as completely bored or confused as you are, reading this? Maybe he's not even on the internet. Really, he could be doing anything. He could be wondering the same thing. He could stand up, walk to the mirror, and check to see if that person was still there. He could try to prove that you appeared in his mirror only because he made you appear, because you are him, only exactly the opposite.


[Editor's Note: I see my idea's already been realized. Twice. Oh well, it's still trippy to think about...]

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise

First period is really boring. I'm afraid that my grade will drop as a result of all the talking I've been doing to help alleviate the boredom. Of course, I do all the work in that class, besides a couple of homework assignments that the teacher decided to write at the end of class while everyone was working fervently on these ten questions we were given seven minutes to do.
Notebooks generally don't receive a grade for organization, only presence. If you turn one in, you'll get full credit (I've seen her, she just marks a check next to your name). So, I like to draw in the empty spaces between notes, examples, warm ups etc. Practicing almost daily in this spare time, I've gotten better at drawing faces and expressions, but I can't resist adding a cartoonish touch because realism belongs in photos.
A few of them are actually quite embarrassing, although anyone who may appear remains nameless and faceless. I wonder if she's ever gotten past the inside cover, where my name is written. She might find a lover, a pessimist, someone who knows too much and cares too little. [For some reason I'm reminded of Nicholas Cage's role in Next because the look on his face did not vary from three different expressions: I'm very bored because I know everything that's going to happen two minutes from now, I'm depressed because I'm such a tired soul/ I've lead a very tortured childhood, or I'm smiling because I think I'm clever for remembering a line I've heard before and being able to relay it back/ I have charm.]<--- the sort of things I think about while she drones on.. I sort of want to ask her if she's ever seen the doodles, if they've interrupted her daily routine in any way. If they so much as made a smirk last on her face for more than half-a-second, it would make me feel much better than what I felt after seeing the red check for notebook "presence."
Maybe after this semester I'll sift through my notebook for pictures I really enjoyed, then cut and paste them to something like a poster I could hang in my room. Sounds like a great way to consume the hours I spend pondering the meaning of dessert-pies, planning how to run an economy consisting entirely of human feces, and questioning the sexuality of various wholesale items.

I am Jack's naive ambition.