I once envied a man named Carlisle, though it wasn't for his name.

If at some point in my life for a relatively brief moment I had "people skills," they're gone now. I think they've transformed into "me skills" and for whatever I've tried to apply them to I've failed. Or at least I can't seem to apply them in a more practical way that would make everyone happy. They don't even please me.

Hello. Yeah I can't sleep either. Rambling seems to help me and instead of talking to myself I'll talk to blogger because blogger knows I'm not crazy, and that's all that really matters, that my mind is intact long enough to... I don't know yet. I think I am going crazy. I think I think too much. I think I'll talk about this girl but it's not the girl you would expect me to talk about right now because I barely know her, but she does exist, somewhere, not like how she exists in my head though. I crafted my password for this after one of our clever little inside jokes back when I was a dork and she was taken but I didn't know she was taken and I wasn't at the moment so I had a little crush for a while until someone took me and I continued to crush only no one knew but her. I think she knew. I think that's why she forgot me. I think I think too much. I used to think, every time I logged in, that that was a pretty good moment and that I was smart to trap it in a little time jar forever, but I don't care much for it anymore. It makes me think too much. It makes me think of a time when she said something about leaving and I wasn't really paying attention. I was thinking too much. It makes me preoccupied now, that that's my greatest worry, or only the greatest one I'll allow myself to think, consciously of course. In a few hours my mind will wander again and I won't be able to control myself. Sometimes it paralyzes me. I forget why I'm staring at this screen again, talking to myself.